kevin's Entries
Funny Phrases
1. One Twist Short of a Slinky
We've all gotten tired of the "fry/Happy Meal" bit - and who wouldn't appreciate (or has ever even heard) a good Slinky joke? Not this guy.
Funny Sayings
2. That Face Could Make a Freight Train Take a Dirt Road
This saying has legs and stands on its own. Anything more that I write might actually knock the shine off this gem.
Funny Sayings
3. That Smell Could Knock a Buzzard off a Shit Truck
OK, that's funny. I can say that because I didn't come up with it. But I will tell you - it's even funnier when you envision a buzzard cringing and falling off a truck of, well, poop. See also Scatological.
Funny Sayings
4. It's on Like a Pot of Neck Bone(s)
** NOTE: The 's' on neckbones is purely optional.
I live in SC, and even I've only heard this one a few times. But it's a keeper. Some folks apparently cook pork neck bones. Wash 'em up, throw 'em in a pot. After that it's anyone's guess. Used thusly: "You ready to bolt? Then it's on like a pot of neck bone!" See also Redneck.
Funny Sayings
5. Makes About as Much Sense as Bowling Cleats
A stellar variation on the "football bat" - a timeless jewel.
Funny Sayings
6. As Smooth as a Stucco Bathtub
Used as such: a buddy uses a really janky pickup line on a girl and gets shot down; you seize the opportunity by saying, "Man that was as smooth as a stucco bathtub!"
If this doesn't make sense, I can't help you.
Funny Sayings
7. Efficient as a Colorblind Bomb Squad
"Red wire? Snip the red wire? Is that the one on the left? What? To the left of the blue? What blue? Oh hell. We're screwed."
kevin
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I can tread water and knit a sweater at the same time. I've pleasured 3 women simultaneously while identifying a genetic precursor to cancer - and never missed a word of C-SPAN. In short - I'm just your average guy.