Funny Jobs
Senior Vice President of Snack Procurement Strategy (SVPSPS)
DESCRIPTION:
Oversees the highly sensitive and politically fraught operation of choosing, acquiring, and hiding the best snacks in the office. Must navigate inter-departmental tensions caused by missing granola bars and passive-aggressive notes on the fridge.
RESPONSIBILITYS:
Conduct quarterly audits of the communal snack drawer (a.k.a. the Crumb Zone).
Mediate turf wars over the last bag of spicy chips.
Strategically deploy decoy healthy snacks to throw off rival snack raiders.
SKILLS:
Stealthy crunching.
Deep knowledge of expiration date manipulation.
Master’s degree in Vending Machine Diplomacy.
PERKS:
Unlimited access to trail mix
