Tim's Entries
Funny Things to Do
21. Old Farts' Rehearsed Ranting About Health Care
All these over-65's enjoying Uncle Sugar's MedicAid, MediCare, Soc. Security, worried about a "government takeover" of their health care. Where do you they think their free care, and monthly checks, come from? See also Government.
Funny Things to Do
22. Holding Your Woman's Purse
Simultaneously sad and hilarious. Ten times so when there's a gaggle of fellows outside a woman's clothing store. Does not matter if it's your wife or your girlfriend; You, my brother, have surrendered any and all power in the relationship. It is a line that, once crossed, can be impossible to re-cross. May God have mercy on what is left of your masculine soul.
Funny Insults
23. Flaming Shit-Heel
A guy who's convinced he's God's gift to humankind, ultra cool; but, in fact, is a pathetic, trend-chasing wanker. See also Profanity.
Funny Phrases
24. Cock and Bull Story
An old expression for made up nonsense. Today we'd say, "B.S.", but I think this one needs to be revived.
Funny People
25. Super Serious Guys on Horseback in a Parade
And then, all of a sudden, the horse's tail jerks up, and out comes the reddish-brown plops. See also Animals, Parades.
Funny Things to Do
26. Saying "Like" All the Time
At some point in life, you have to outgrow this. It's like, really annoying, when people say it, like, all the time. But then like, you're talking to this person who is like doing it, and you're like suppressing the urge to like totally laugh in his face. See also Teenagers.
Funny Words
27. Breastes-ses
Women's breasts, and men's frequent discomfort in referring to them in a way that’s not rude. Particularly when they're alone among women. Inasmuch as men get loud and boisterous about female body parts while among other men, like chimpanzees for example, they are strangely tentative, even skittish in this, when alone among women. When alone among women to whom they're related, this ensuing awkwardness is multiplied times 100,000. “Ah, yes, you're right, Janey and Tisha, Gina does have, um,...large...Breastes-ses.”
Funny Sayings
28. Pipe Down!
Usually used by dads, for some reason. Needs to be said only once. Oddly effective, even to this day.
Funny Phrases
29. "...in Bed."
Reciting your fortune cookie, then saying, "...in bed" after whatever is says. Always funny. See also Sex.
