11. Saw Paintings
For children. Inside a metal lunch box. Didn't matter if it was Barbie, Hong Kong Fooey, or Hot Wheels; the Thermos bottle had a glass lining. The lining would last approximately two days, if it didn't in fact break on the way to school. I remember actually pursing my lips and actually drinking my milk through the glass. It took the lunchbox people around eight years or so figure out that it was a bad idea. See also 70's, Children, Schools.
...and you can't get it out. So you jump up, slap and push on your chest and stomach, swear like a sailor, and then sort of finally lean forward and shake your shirt. Riotous! See also Drugs.
Even today it shocks. Signature male white trash t-shirt/ballcap impression. Do they still sell these?
15. Columbus Day
First, he didn't discover shit. He did enslave, torture, and murder native Caribbeans to extinction. He was even up on charges for being too harsh, and for the Spanish, that's saying a lot. He bounced around, often getting lost, under constant threat of mutiny. Let's have a federal holiday! See also Holidays.
It is ten years later, and there he is as you roll up in your car- at the pay window of a fast food place. He sees you, you see him. He gives you your food, and your change, and who's laughing now, Champ?
All these over-65's enjoying Uncle Sugar's MedicAid, MediCare, Soc. Security, worried about a "government takeover" of their health care. Where do you they think their free care, and monthly checks, come from? See also Government.
Simultaneously sad and hilarious. Ten times so when there's a gaggle of fellows outside a woman's clothing store. Does not matter if it's your wife or your girlfriend; You, my brother, have surrendered any and all power in the relationship. It is a line that, once crossed, can be impossible to re-cross. May God have mercy on what is left of your masculine soul.
A guy who's convinced he's God's gift to humankind, ultra cool; but, in fact, is a pathetic, trend-chasing wanker. See also Profanity.