Funny Quotes

Funny Quotes

11. "Time wounds all heels."

Who else but Groucho Marx?

Added by a Guest on February 6, 2020| 1 Comment | You Like This |

Funny Quotes

13. "I like sleep. You're alive but unconscious."

Thank you, Rita Rudner! See also Sleep.

Added by MsKnowItAll on August 31, 2019| 1 Comment | You Like This |

Funny Quotes

14. "Well, well, well. If it isn't the consequences of my own actions."

A graduation quote from my yearbook.

Added by a Guest on July 22, 2019| Comment | You Like This |

Funny Quotes

15. "AUUUUAGAUUGUGGUGAAHGGHHHHH."

-Chewbacca See also Star Wars.

Added by a Guest on June 17, 2019| 3 Comments | You Like This |

Dude. Do us a solid. Add your own funny quote.

Funny Quotes

16. "70% of our planet is covered in water, the other 30% is covered in idiots."

Attributed to Bill Murray.

Added by aLoHA on June 7, 2019| 5 Comments | You Like This |

Funny Quotes

17. "A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop."

This is apparently Al Pacino's favorite joke, as claimed by Johnny Depp on Letterman. See also Celebrities.

Added by a Guest on June 1, 2019| 6 Comments | You Like This |

Funny Quotes

19. “The Average Dog is a Nicer Person than the Average Person.”

– Andy Rooney See also Dogs.

Added by ahuman on March 1, 2019| 2 Comments | You Like This |

Funny Quotes

20. "When life closes a door, just open it again. It's a door, that's how they work."

- Captain Obvious

Added by TheRealNess on January 28, 2019| 6 Comments | You Like This |

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