Funny Quotes

71. “I asked god for a bike, but I know god doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.”

―Emo Philips
See also Religion.

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Funny Quotes

72. "I've got to make sure that Youtube comes down to tape this."

- Micheal Scott

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Funny Quotes

73. “Love is the horse. Magic is the donkey. Suffering is the mule.”

A classmate in my Humanities class during a discussion of Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream. See also Schools, Shakespeare.

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Funny Quotes

74. "Time wounds all heels."

Who else but Groucho Marx?

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Funny Quotes

75. "OMG, my neighbour is stalking me! I saw her Google my name on her laptop through my telescope!"

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Funny Quotes

76. "I like sleep. You're alive but unconscious."

Thank you, Rita Rudner! See also Sleep.

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Funny Quotes

77. "Well, well, well. If it isn't the consequences of my own actions."

A graduation quote from my yearbook.

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Funny Quotes

78. "AUUUUAGAUUGUGGUGAAHGGHHHHH."

-Chewbacca See also Star Wars.

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Funny Quotes

79. "70% of our planet is covered in water, the other 30% is covered in idiots."

Attributed to Bill Murray.

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Funny Quotes

80. "A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop."

This is apparently Al Pacino's favorite joke, as claimed by Johnny Depp on Letterman. See also Celebrities.

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