Funny Quotes

Funny Quotes

51. “Don’t be the drug dealer. Marry the drug dealer.”

―My World Literature Teacher See also Drugs.

Added by a Guest on November 15, 2021| 1 Comment | You Like This |

Funny Quotes

52. “I’ve had 18 straight whiskeys… I think that’s the record.”

Last words of the poet Dylan Thomas. See also Alcohol, Poetry.

Added by Stealth01 on October 27, 2021| 1 Comment | You Like This |

Funny Quotes

53. “I’m an early bird and a night owl, so I’m wise, and I have worms.”

―Michael Scott

Added by a Guest on October 21, 2021| 1 Comment | You Like This |

Funny Quotes

54. “I love you guys. Not enough to die for you, but enough to give you a sandwich if I have too much sandwich.”

―My Writing Professor

Added by a Guest on June 4, 2021| 10 Comments | You Like This |

Funny Quotes

55. “Every triangle is a love triangle when you love triangles.”

―James Acaster See also Geometry, Love.

Added by a Guest on June 1, 2021| 2 Comments | You Like This |

Psst. Got something funnier? Add your own funny quote.

Funny Quotes

56. “I’m suddenly out of witty things to say. Uh, bananas.”

―No One

Added by a Guest on May 1, 2021| 5 Comments | You Like This |

Funny Quotes

57. “It’s like my Dad always says, ‘Always give a hundred percent, unless you’re donating blood or getting a divorce.’”

―Pitch Perfect 3

Added by a Guest on April 22, 2021| 3 Comments | You Like This |

Funny Quotes

58. “Zoinks! It’s the Gay Blade!”

―Shaggy from Scooby-Doo See also Cartoons.

Added by a Guest on April 21, 2021| 5 Comments | You Like This |

Funny Quotes

59. “Me no study, me no care, me go marry millionaire. If he die, me no cry, me go marry another guy.”

See also Best Life.

Added by a Guest on April 18, 2021| 8 Comments | You Like This |

Funny Quotes

60. “If I was an airplane, I would kill so many birds.”

See also Airplanes, Birds.

Added by a Guest on April 8, 2021| 1 Comment | You Like This |

Top Contributors of Funny Quotes

We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.