Funny Quotes

Funny Quotes

91. "70% of our planet is covered in water, the other 30% is covered in idiots."

Attributed to Bill Murray.

Added by aLoHA on June 7, 2019| 11 Comments | You Like This |

Funny Quotes

92. "A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop."

This is apparently Al Pacino's favorite joke, as claimed by Johnny Depp on Letterman. See also Celebrities.

Added by a Guest on June 1, 2019| 9 Comments | You Like This |

Funny Quotes

93. "Here's all you have to know about men and women; woman are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason woman are crazy is that men are stupid."

- George Carlin See also Men, Women.

Added by a Guest on March 3, 2019| 12 Comments | You Like This |

Funny Quotes

94. “The Average Dog is a Nicer Person than the Average Person.”

– Andy Rooney
See also Dogs.

Added by ahuman on March 1, 2019| 6 Comments | You Like This |

Funny Quotes

95. "When life closes a door, just open it again. It's a door, that's how they work."

- Captain Obvious

Added by TheRealNess on January 28, 2019| 7 Comments | You Like This |

Dude. Do us a solid. Add your own funny quote.

Funny Quotes

96. "High school is easy. It's like riding a bike and the bike is on fire and the ground is on fire and everything's on fire because you're in Hell."

- Some senior that went to my high school
See also Schools.

Added by a Guest on November 22, 2018| 14 Comments | You Like This |

Funny Quotes

97. "Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay, like an octopus on your face."

See also Friends.

Added by a Guest on November 22, 2018| Comment | You Like This |

Funny Quotes

98. "I don't want to be be like most boys."

- Most Boys See also Boys.

Added by a Guest on October 28, 2018| 2 Comments | You Like This |

Funny Quotes

99. "I like rice. Rice is great when you're hungry and you want to eat 2,000 of something."

- Mitch Hedberg

Added by Sarah69999 on October 25, 2018| Comment | You Like This |

Funny Quotes

100. "Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed."

- Albert Einstein See also Marriage, Men, Women.

Added by Sarah69999 on October 25, 2018| Comment | You Like This |

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