Funny Quotes

91. "Time wounds all heels."

Who else but Groucho Marx?

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Funny Quotes

92. "OMG, my neighbour is stalking me! I saw her Google my name on her laptop through my telescope!"

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Funny Quotes

93. "I like sleep. You're alive but unconscious."

Thank you, Rita Rudner! See also Sleep.

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Funny Quotes

94. "Well, well, well. If it isn't the consequences of my own actions."

A graduation quote from my yearbook.

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Funny Quotes

95. "AUUUUAGAUUGUGGUGAAHGGHHHHH."

-Chewbacca See also Star Wars.

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Funny Quotes

96. "70% of our planet is covered in water, the other 30% is covered in idiots."

Attributed to Bill Murray.

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Funny Quotes

97. "A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop."

This is apparently Al Pacino's favorite joke, as claimed by Johnny Depp on Letterman. See also Celebrities.

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Funny Quotes

98. "Here's all you have to know about men and women; woman are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason woman are crazy is that men are stupid."

- George Carlin See also Men, Women.

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Funny Quotes

99. “The Average Dog is a Nicer Person than the Average Person.”

– Andy Rooney
See also Dogs.

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Funny Quotes

100. "When life closes a door, just open it again. It's a door, that's how they work."

- Captain Obvious

Added by TheRealNess on January 28, 2019| 7 Comments | 204 people like this You Like This | Unlike