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Funny Jobs
54. Senior Vice President of Snack Procurement Strategy (SVPSPS)
Oversees the highly sensitive and politically fraught operation of choosing, acquiring, and hiding the best snacks in the office. Must navigate inter-departmental tensions caused by missing granola bars and passive-aggressive notes on the fridge.
Conduct quarterly audits of the communal snack drawer (a.k.a. the Crumb Zone).
Mediate turf wars over the last bag of spicy chips.
Strategically deploy decoy healthy snacks to throw off rival snack raiders.
Funny Jobs
55. Certified Pet Emotion Translator (CPET)
Acts as the emotional interpreter for pets, decoding meows, tail flicks, and judgmental stares into actionable insights for clueless humans. Daily tasks include explaining to cats why the red dot isn't real and assuring dogs that yes, you will come back from the grocery store.
Fluent in Barklish and Meowinese.
Comfortable being ignored by cats professionally.
Able to cry on command when a goldfish looks disappointed.
Funny Jobs
56. Certified Emotion Fluffer
Responsible for keeping the emotional morale of office plants, forgotten coffee mugs, and slightly neglected coworkers at peak levels. Duties include whispering affirmations to ferns, validating staplers’ existence, and gently reminding Bob in Accounting that he is enough.
Fluent in passive-aggressive Post-it notes.
Can interpret sighs, side-eyes, and printer groans.
Excellent at pretending to cry at mediocre birthday cards. Paid in leftover birthday cake slices and cryptic compliments from upper management.